THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO "HM?"

When life throws you a curve ball, you just need to laugh it off and enjoy the ride! My son is notorious for enjoying life as is.  As a parent of a differently abled child, people and situations can truly frustrate me. Today I dealt with a situation that truly made me think how we as parents can impact others.  Did you ever come across a parent who sits back making faces of disapproval when your child is clearly having a tough moment transitioning? Then she makes it known she has a child with autism, but he is higher functioning. Well, excuse me! If anyone should understand the difficulties we face with differently abled children, it should have been her. Her words and tone were not comforting, but actually they seemed a bit judgmental and down grading to my son. This is my rant for today. If you are going to do anything for any parent going through a difficult moment, at least be supportive or say nothing at all.  This little moment occurred at a different doctor's office today, and staff was behind to the point of having to take a number. Now I have been to this place before, but I never had to take a number. My son had a melt down when we were told to go into a very noisy waiting room with a toddler crying nonstop.

Our kids need stability and security more than the average child. Of course there are times our kids need to learn to adapt, and today was such a day when our regular doctor's office had no openings. These kids are comfortable with routine, and many people do not understand this. I have to laugh as my son seriously has a routine when getting his weight and height done. Every single time, no matter how many times a nurse says leave your shoes and socks on, he takes off his shoes, then his socks and neatly tucks the socks into the shoes and pushes the shoes neatly under the chair. Another key component to raising a differently abled child is to know what battles to pick. The shoes are really no big deal, and I just kindly explain to every new nurse that this is his routine. There are just some things he feels comfortable with.
Maybe if I had such a routine for my keys and cell phone, I would not misplace them. Smiling. I can learn a few things from this very organized young man!

I have to tell you a funny story. It was my birthday, and so I called a friend of mine and asked her if she would like to go for breakfast with me. We found a quaint country restaurant near her house, and as we are all looking at the menu, my girlfriend tells me that the banana pancakes with chocolate chips are to die for. She then turns to my son and asks him if he would try them. He looked up and with a very serious face he said, "Oh no, I am watching my calories." My girlfriend and I just cracked up. Then my son turns around and orders chicken strips and french fries. Mm, hm- watching his calories indeed. Sounded like the seafood diet. You see it and you eat it. Another thing about my son is he has no fear of letting waitresses know what he wants. The waitress can go around the table asking, "Refills anyone?" He is waving his cup in the air with an "oh yes refill, and an excuse me" if she overlooks him. I love when he blurts out, "You've got to be kidding me?" when he is disgusted and someone messes up his order. "This is not right," he repeats.

My son sometimes just comes off with the funniest things, and I never know what will come out of his mouth next. As for restaurants, he is very routine and prefers to sit in a booth over a chair. There is no real rhyme or reason for this behavior that I can think of, but I have accepted that it is a preference he has. Talking about a booth, my adult children decided to take me out for dinner the day before my birthday, and I remind my children that their brother may have an issue if the place is too loud. My son has refused to go into restaurants at times, and I never know when this will happen. Now for those parents out there who can relate to this, the key is finding something your child likes to eat or finding something to keep their minds busy such as a song, game, or movie on the cell phone. Before entering the restaurant I remind my son that to get that item we have to sit at the table and use our manners. Of course,  we are escorted to a table set up for ten people and at the very end of the table is part of a booth. This red booth bench sits two feet from a wooden table surrounded by chairs. At first my son acts like he is not in any way, shape, or form sitting at "THAT" table without a booth. The waitress blurts out, "He is leaving."  In his words, "Nope that is not right. It's wrong." I s know exactly what is wrong in his mind as he is all about routine. After a little time passes, my son sits at the booth seat that is clearly too far from the table we are all at. There was a two foot gap between his seat and the end of the table.  After mentioning the noise inside, he covers his ears for two seconds. This is progress. Then my son gives him some reminders of his favorite foods. "To get the chicken you want, you have to sit here by me." Eventually he joins us and sits in the wooden chair. I smile in total awe as I was totally prepared to move the tables down so he could remain where he was. He certainly surprised me.

 Now today at the doctor's office, a toddler let out this curdling cry and my son wanted nothing to do with going into the waiting room and he preferred to sit on the floor outside of this room with all the chaos. I do not blame him, and there are times I want to join him in his rebellion of noisy rooms. However, after the child calmed down, my son was again reminded what he needed to do to get his reward for the day. He told me and then sat down in a chair in the waiting room.  I did not mind that he could not handle the noise in the room, and I did not make a big issue out of it.  The key with our kids is to make a big issue about what they do that is on target with their behaviors. Reward those great moments in a way the child enjoys.  The less attention we give to negative behaviors, the less we will see those behaviors.

My son loves to make people laugh, and he can be quite the joker. Although he lacks the understanding of some knock knock jokes, but he sure tries. My son is in love with Darla from the Little Rascals. I told him a joke using the name Eileen. He then began saying Darla leaned over the banister and fell instead of Eileened over the banister and fell. I love when he goes out of his way to try and make me laugh. It makes for a wonderful day.

I would like to challenge parents to please say something nice to parents who are struggling with their children. How many times do we want to crawl under a rock when our kids are acting up or doing or saying things that are inappropriate? You do not have to have a differently abled child to reach out to any parent who is having a challenging time. We all have the ability to make or break another person's day. Be that person who is uplifting even if you just smile and say hello. You just never know when you cast a line of friendship out there into the world, what wonderful people you might make smile when they really want to cry. You might make a new friend.

When you are a parent struggling or frustrated, remember better times are on their way and it is only temporary. Stay positive, and above all.... keep smiling. Allow yourself a time out, and if your child sits down and has a melt down do not be afraid to sit beside him or her. Take care of yourself in those stress filled moments. My latest relaxation comes in the form of Tai Chi. Do whatever you have to do maintain your joy and sanity.
 Until next time...... God bless!